Lilia’s Weekly Dose: Uncertain Me (Part 2)

(…continued from last week)

I’m wondering, what do I know about Kon? He never opens up to me about his business, just the fact that he does some farming as well. But the meetings, the business that keeps him in the city all day and only comes to see me for a few minutes, what kind of business is it?

We have been talking everyday since his confession, he is not reckless with words this I know. He says what he wants but not what he don’t mean. So far, he has been taking me out on dates, visiting frequently and he has managed to keep me in his loop. I’m in love but in denial.

“I don’t like peas, don’t make peas for me.” He said, firmly.

He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, wrapped those strong arms around me. I’m defenseless, and he holds my gaze for a moment. He could tell I’m skeptical.

“When will you stop wondering what I want from you?” He asked, pressed his soft lips on mine and kissed me.

There is no cell in me that wants to stop him, I want him. I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his warmth against my body, I want to kiss him back and freeze this moment. But his question brought me back to reality.

I pulled away and looked at him,looked straight into his brown eyes. The fire in his eyes so breathtaking I was not thinking straight at all.

“Well, I don’t know. You never give me a reason to trust you, let alone believe we have something of substance between us.” I calmly said. Could he tell I couldn’t breathe?

He came closer, took my right hand and kissed my palm.

“Amy, I’ll say this once,” he paused, smiled at me.

Lord that smile, the shivers down my spine when he curved his lips. I needed to find a way out soon, to strengthen my defenses against his charms. No other man made me feel half the things I felt when I just heard Kon say my name.

“Let’s take it slow, your pace, I will follow your lead. From now on, you define what we are. Just know, I’m all yours.” He had emphasis in his voice.

All mine? Like mine mine? He wasn’t mine all these years? But I was his all along, it took him five years to say he loved me, now when I am close to giving up, he is suddenly mine?

I had too many doubts, I was going to tell him I’m done playing his game. He said he loved me once, but I know nothing about him. What he does on his free time, who he hangs out with, what he eats, drinks, I literally know nothing. But I wanted this man, so bad, no other man could do.

I think of him before I sleep, think of him first when I wake up. Even when I wake up next to somebody else, I think of Kon. Why him?

My skin was on fire, literally. My heart was racing, my palms were wet, I could feel sweat dripping under my arms.

“Mine as in?” I asked.

“We should go public. I’m ready, no more holding back. I want to show you to the world.” Those words choked me.

Go public? Now? Why now? I needed time, if I give excuses I might lose him. I had waited for this moment for five years. Now that it’s here I didn’t know what to do.

Dear Lord, how do I go public with the man I’ve loved for years when the whole world knows I’m dating somebody else?

Yes, foolish me, in love with someone else while dating dating another.

(To be continued next week)

*Check Out Lilia’s Weekly Dose series here