ATSIKANA AKU MA HOSTEL

Last month I received a call from an old friend from Zomba. He was coming to Blantyre to process his passport and needed a place to crush at. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, so I was elated at the news; we were once good friends.

He arrived on Wednesday around 6pm. No sooner had he arrived, than he asked me to drive him to a hostel in Chitawira to meet a new acquaintance. That was the first hint that after all he had come for a woman.

I looked at him perplexed and asked, “A hostel? That is a student right?” He said,” obviously”. But I don’t think he understood what the word, “kuma hostel” meant in Blantyre.

So I began to tell him how some girls who are into the business of being blessed with merchants in town in exchange for their enticing womanhood are settling in what they are calling hostels. He listened thoughtfully.

So I went on to tell him that they lie that they are going to so a college pursuing so a course but you meet them at every drinking joint with a different merchant almost every day you go out.

My one man audience was now fully absorbed in my tale; it was something he hadn’t imagined. I went on to tell him that the most victimized College is BIU.

“Where did you meet her?” I asked finally.

“We met on some Whatsapp group. She said amakhala ku ma hostel in Chitawira and she is a second year student at BIU.”

Did he just say BIU? I sensed a lie there. But my friend was adamant that with the way she had come to know he girl, there was no way she would lie to him. So we went there. And as she came out and saw me, she knew I knew her and I knew, I knew her. She was one of them.

She faded from my gaze and looked away pretending not to know me. I did the same, to the lack of notice of my overawed friend; the girl looks young, fresh and she is very beautiful. I would not blame my friend for thinking he had hit the jackpot.

They went inside the hostel while I remained outside. They came back after 30 minutes both of them just to tell me that he was sleeping over and I should pick him up tomorrow morning. The man was in love. Who knew what a good time he got from the 30 minutes? I had done my part and he wasn’t going to listen.

I wasn’t very angry because after all I had passed time from the black out at home. I pulled my friend to the side and said, “Remember to use a condom!” He laughed and said “pa easy man”

I drove away. What made me write this story? I was at Kaya lounge on Sunday watching soccer and that girl came in with a different guy. We exchanged nods of acknowledgement and she was unsurprisingly unembarrassed. The guy I was with works at some hospital and so he was told me, “ka mtsikana kameneko kakugawa matenda. Kamazatenga mankhwala kwathuku…”

I immediately thought of my friend from Zomba. Did he heed my advice to use a condom? Is what this guy telling me the truth? The girl looked like someone you wouldn’t suspect of having matenda ya chalo as my mother calls it.

Anyway, yesterday I summed up the courage and texted my friend, “I hope you used a condom boss?”.

“Lol bwanji kodi man? Sitinadyenso ndipo!”

Sigh. He didn’t do it, he says. I don’t believe him. I don’t believe my friend from the hospital either. Life goes on.

Enjoy your day.

I remain your friend,

P Mphande