Death Announcement – Uganda Cranes killed in Malawi

By Kumbukani Kuntiya

The Confederation of African Birds (CAB) wishes to announce the death of the Grey Crowned Crane, also known as the East African Crowned Crane, the national bird of Uganda Village.

The bird which is known not to migrate long distances, was ironically heading to Yaounde in Cameroon Village for what would have been a third straight African Bird Confederation (ABCON) participation ticket.

Instead, the bird was found scorched to death on the Kamuzu Playground in some remote suburb of Blantyre, in Malawi Village. This is some two thousand Kms south of Nakibvubo ground in Uganda village where this crane traditionally perches.

A report compiled by Mozambican bird watcher Celso Armindo Alvacao and his two assistants Arsenio Chadreque Maringule and Olivio Adriano Saimone, indicated that the Crane had picked a single stone wound inflicted in just 15 minutes upon entry into the Kamuzu Playground. The report further collaborated by one Walter Nyamilanda showed the catapult that had the lethal stone, belonged to one experienced hunter Richard Mbulu. Just as his name, he was quite lethal like a fox he is.

“One wonders why the Ugandan Chief Zookeeper, Musavani allowed his precious and national flock to fly into Malawi national space,” queried one Malawi villager outside the Kamuzu Playground.

“Why did they not go straight to Yaounde?” he further asked.

Social media reports indicate the flock might have changed its flight plan with a view to probably take a sip from the beautiful Lake Malawi whilst others said the Uganda Cranes were heading to the Rainbow nation to appreciate a nest for its captain, one Dennis Onyenga. And true to his name, Dennis took his lieutenants into a trap.

One thing for sure is that if the Uganda Cranes had avoided the Malawi flight path hence their subsequent death, the Kaguta flock would have gone to the world stage in Cameroon Village to yet another continental competition to showcase their dancing antics.

‘”We lost the Birds Cup of Nations qualifier against Malawi Village hunters fairly”, said the Federation of Uganda Zookeepers Associations president Moses Hassim Magogo.

“The flames were also scorching which made our cranes to get extremely dehydrated,” he further said virtually on his Feather’s Book as he was not part of the contingent that risked the two thousand Kms trip into Malawi Village.

Ironically, the demise of the Uganda Cranes was not witnessed by their head trainer Johnathan McKinstry who was told to step aside. Instead, the qualifiers against South Sudan and Malawi Villages were overseen by a battalion of other bird coaches Abdallah Mubiru, Livingstone Mbabazi and Fred Kajoba.

Following this merciless killing of the Uganda Cranes, authorities in Uganda village, will likely mount a joint operation aimed at dealing with the culprits as well as their associates.

Further reports from Teacher Mpami in Kampala indicate Chief Kagata is undergoing a fresh session of his ritual push-ups after a recent break during the campaign trail. It is therefore not known how he will handle his Malawian counterpart Chakwara for successfully taking the centre stage twice in a row – days after the acclaimed Dodoma speech.

In a show of solidarity, Chiefs from neigbouring East African villages are expected to assist their counterpart as the latest failure by the Uganda Cranes to advance means no East African village will be part of the Cameroon festival.

“We wish the entire villagers of Uganda a quick recovery, though late from this timely death of their so called giant of their village – RIP the Uganda Cranes,” concluded the cheering crowd that saw off the Uganda Cranes carcass being taken away from Kamuzu Playground in Blantyre.

What a lovely Likiliki afternoon it turned out to be as we all rushed to pick our face masks as the Malawi Chief was overheard saying, “The Cranes never saw the Flames coming.”

“Itsanana boys,” he summed.

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